‘You lose your identity when you become a Mother’.
Does that statement sound familiar? What’s even worse is that most mothers believe that statement. And they don’t know how to rediscover themselves after becoming a mother.
Yes, Unfortunately, amid all the diaper changing and puke wiping, we tend to forget the importance of having an individual personality and style.
As new mothers, we tend to put our lives on hold and prioritise the babies, the husband and embracing the newly given title.
Motherhood is a joyous experience. But, with the physical change it brings about that is clear from the onset, it also invites the lack of sleep which will no doubt have severe effects on your mental well-being. The lack of self-love.
The fact that once you have a baby, you start to feel like people don’t really see you anymore. You become a milk producing overcasting shadow. A very tearful zombie!
Not forgetting the annual ticket, you acquire for the emotional roller-coaster at Motherhood arcade.’
Being a mother does not mean that you have let go of the old you and lose your identity. Your comfort zone does not have to be your living room couch.
It simply means doing some of the things you love differently, or with your new child. Learning to make some changes and compromises to suit both you and your baby. As well as realising that you are going to have to pick up new hobbies.
New mothers are constantly put under pressure to perform and keep alarming high standards in everything they do.
Whatever media may portray that some mothers just go from bump to motherhood with no change in physical, emotional or perspective change. It’s nothing but a front!
We are all different and take on the journey of motherhood differently. You are unique, and therefore, you need to do things that work for you, make you happy and comfortable.
We are constantly geared to believing that you should have your life together. Get into those skinny jeans within 12 weeks of having a baby or you’re deemed a failure.
The more you see Instagram photos or YouTube videos of mothers in skinny jeans, pushing their newborn babies in their strollers in the sunshine, the more inadequate you start to feel at even trying to enjoy life or motherhood.
Subsequently, you start making excuses when friends invite out for a coffee. You suddenly don’t want to go shopping because you’re not happy with how you look.
Yet you find it increasingly frustrating that none of the clothes in your wardrobe fit. Those that do make you look like a grandma.
You long to go to the gym and make changes but can never find anyone to stay with the baby. When you do eventually find a babysitter, the thought of you stepping out of your comfort Zone and letting everyone see how ‘big’ you are, cripples you. You start to panic whilst in search for another excuse.
suddenly you give up trying because the demanding face of motherhood consumes your every bit of energy and will to fulfil your personal desire.
It’s normal for your life to change once you have a baby or two, maybe three. However, the best way rediscovering you is by identifying, acknowledging and accepting the changes and be willing to take the steps to change them.
Goal Setting To Rediscovering You
Let’s move slowly.
Make small changes at a time. Do not try to aim too high. set yourself goals that are realistic. That way, next time you can set the bar a little higher.
The ability to make changes and sticking to them is more of a mind game. The more you can convince yourself to do something, the more likely you are to achieve it.
Start by working out a routine. Once you know your baby’s day and night routine, you will be able to fit in other things that you want to do – and no, I don’t mean housework.
Hobbies like reading. you don’t have to get physical books but you can easily sign up for Amazon Kindle and download books onto your phone or tablet to read anytime, Anywhere. watching a movie, doing your nails working out (mind you this does not always have to happen at the gym, you can just as easily work out at home)! Above all try to take this time to incorporate rest as this too is just as important.
Either way rediscovering you can be achieved.
The problem with mothers is they have this vision that things will be as they were after the baby is born.
Stop listening to people, media who are pushing you to get back to ‘normal’. What’s normal anyway?
It took nine months for your body to grow a baby to full term. So why would you push it to change back in a month?
Things take time, take it easy and realise that in time your body will go back to being a good size and shape.
Don’t try too hard because there are more important things in life than trying to get back into your size zero jeans.
Having said that, please do not just sit around feeling sorry for yourself thinking your waist is just going to snap back like an elastic band – no, you must make an informed decision to change things. Tell yourself repeatedly you want to make changes, and START making those small changes.
Those small changes will make a big difference to how you feel about motherhood, but most importantly, about yourself.